We're All Battling the Little Hand on the Clock

The older I get, the more sentimental birthdays have become for me. Not even my own birthdays, but the birthdays of those I love around me. Whether someone I love is turning 6 or 60, I really feel that year passing is incredibly important. Sure they're getting older, growing wiser, moving closer to adulthood or old age for that matter. But what we seem to forget about birthdays, when we are busy celebrating the fact this person is alive, Is that we were blessed to have so much time with the individual. Sure, when someone's turning six, it may seem silly to think 'I'm blessed to have spent six years being a part of this child's life', because you assume theres so much time left. But the older I get the more I realize how crucial and how much of a blessing time truly is.

We count our lives in days, and every year being 365 days seems like so much time. But when I look at the people I love,  2million days still doesn't seem like enough, and 365 days feels like absolutely nothing. You see the older I get, the more I realize that tomorrow is never guaranteed, and though this may seem like a sad thought, it truly isn't. The fact that our lives could stop at any second, is cause to celebrate. What good would time be, if it went on forever? If we didn't have a limited amount of time to show the people we love, how much we love them, then we would never try with all our might.

You see, the fact we are guaranteed no certain amount of time with a person, makes the time we have so crucial. The fact every moment count be the last, makes every moment monumental to our lives. It's terrifying to think that every moment could be someones last, even our own, but as scary as it may be; it's liberating. This time crunch we're all in, gives us the motivation we need to act in the moment, to follow our instincts.

This time crunch also is what makes everyones birthday, so sentimental. At least to me. Every birthday serves as a reminder to me that time is short and I've only got so much time left to say everything I need to. So I better start talking. I better start telling them all those things. I better start showing them how much I care. Because if someone I love were to die tomorrow, I would want to be able to say I worked my hardest, gave all of my heart, and never stopped showing them how much I love them.

When I was in junior high, I came to the realization I had pretty old parents. My mother and father had never seemed old to me, they weren't in wheel chairs, they were still working their asses off, hell they were still jumping out of planes and riding motorcycles like it was their day job. But, they were in the scheme of time, old. Being 19 and having parents who are 55+, is scary as a young adult, especially as a teenager. I used to worry about all the events in my life I had to make sure I did in time. I had to make sure I got married in time, make sure I graduated college in time, make sure I had kids in time.

I didn't want to take too long because I knew I couldn't control time; so in order to conquer time itself, I thought I had to speed it up. I wanted to make sure I did everything in a timely fashion, so that I could get it all done.

Then in 8th grade my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. And time started to threaten me.

It felt as if I were racing against time for so long without feeling any threat of losing, then in the blink of an eye, time was a few feet behind me keeping pace with ever step I took. Time was right behind me chanting and trying to beat me down; 'I can catch up, I can beat you, look out'.

Luckily, time never caught up with me in 8th grade. Time never stopped for my father. I was given back my watch and left to keep time for myself. But the fact that it could have caught me, began to teach me to appreciate time. I realized time was a strong competitor, not to be underestimated.

I quit looking at my time with my parents as a calendar that I had to squeeze a certain number of things into and started taking things day by day. Now I'm not saying my parents are by any means going to die soon, but Ive learned that regardless of age, we all can die any day. Don't worry about what needs to be done, what you might miss out on with someone, or what can't be fit into the time you've got. Just focus on the time. Focus on every second.

If we dwell in time, if we count the minutes, we cause ourselves to fall into the trap of  time; believing we are limited. We fall under the control of the little hand on the clock. But if we quit looking at the clock, quit counting down the days, quit worrying about the future; then we have the ability to make the most of the time we've got.

Fit everything you can into your time. Say I love you as much as you want. Hug the ones you love, even if they tell you not too. Never spend to much time angry with someone. Remember forgiveness will always be a better way to spend your time. And never, ever, worry about time. It's not something you can control.

Sincerely,

laughing at the face of the clock.