I Must Have Blinked

I have this theory, it has to do with blinking. 

I think when we blink, we miss more than simply a millisecond. 

No, we must miss more than a millisecond. 

Because I swear, I just blinked, and you were telling me you loved me. 

But, I had only blinked. 

And you can't tell me in that millisecond, everything changed. 

You can't tell me in a millisecond, you fell in love. 

But, you tell me you did. 

And so I believed you. 

And we went on our merry way, hand in hand down Rooney Street. 

And it was just past midnight. 

But, I must have blinked. 

Because suddenly, it was the morning. 

And I looked around. 

And I searched for you, all over and around that house. 

And it was just past eight. 

But, I must have blinked. 

Because I couldn't find you, I couldn't find you anywhere. 

And I can't figure out why. 

And I know you were just lying next to me. 

And I know just last midnight, you told me you loved me. 

But, I must have blinked. 

Because you aren't coming back, it's been two days since midnight. 

And I really thought you loved me. 

And I believed you when you said you fell in love in that millisecond. 

And I thought we'd get married when we woke up. 

But, I must have blinked. 

And I must have blinked again.

And blinked again. 

Because you've been gone four years, and your urn lies on the mantle. 

And it all just happened so fast. 

And now I can't remember the the last time you were here. 

And I know just last midnight, you told me you loved me. 

But, 

I must have blinked. 

Sincerely, 

Writing not so funny make shift poetry now I guess 

Still laughing at life, just not this poem 

A Poem For My Beloved

A Poem For My Beloved 

Poetry is a joke. 

You can format it however you want,

       and they'll call it 'literary'.

Well what's so literary about it.

       I don't believe in meter. 

       Why rhyme? 

I could just spew jibberish.

Cat. 

Poetry is a joke. 

Stanzas end.

Sentences start on one line 

        and end on another.

        How's this for art? 

Poetry is a joke. 

But you are like poetry to me. 

You are a joke. 

You toy with my life however you want.

         and I call it 'love'.

Well what's so loving about that.

       I don't believe in your words.

       Why try? 

You could just spew bullshit all day.

Integrity. 

Our relationship is a joke. 

Please just make it end. 

Start the week loving each other 

          and that ends on the next. 

          How's this for love?

Poetry is a joke. 

But you are like poetry to me. 

Sincerely, 

laughing at this 5 second creation 

Retaining Walls

I need to write. So give me a moment of peace.

I've been avoiding emotions like the plague. I can feel all of them pent up inside me, fighting to get out. I know people talk about getting butterflies in their stomach, but this feels more like bees. They're buzzing around, the sound ringing in my ears, driving me to the brink of insanity.

Do you ever want to just escape? To just wander off into solitude, with a carton of eggs, and just wreak havoc on something? Anything. Just lose it. Take a few deep breaths, clear your mind.

I remember when I was having a rough time in high school, like all teenage girls do. My mother brought me to the grocery store, picked up a carton of eggs and a few apples, then drove me out to this retaining wall off the highway. I could hear the cars speeding by on the opposite side of the big purple barrier, the sound almost soothing to me. Then she handed me the eggs and told me 'Let it out'.

I walked up to that retaining wall and let lose all the anger, frustration, and pain I was feeling. Egg yolks splattered across the wall, sliding down, their whites dripping like rain drops. With every egg, I felt a weight lifting. Releasing laughter, the only emotion that seemed real at the time. Such a therapeutic form of destruction. I splattered apples on the concrete.

I think back to that night a lot. And when I felt that instant joy and release.

That may have been one of the best things my mother could have done for me.
I've never been on for crying, never been one for hugs, it all feels weak. But this, this felt strong. It were as if I took my troubles that were weighing me down and sunk them in the ocean.

I had won

I reminisce on this a lot when why mind begins to turn to a flurry of emotions. I use it to remind myself that I am stronger than the worries that bring me down, while also reminding myself I'm taking life a little too seriously.

Well, that's all

Sincerely,
Laughing at life