I read a quote by Adele recently, or at least I read a quote on pinterest recently that said it was Adele's quote, so let's just assume pinterest is a valid source on this one.
"I have insecurities of course, but I don't hangout with anyone who points them out to me"
Now this made me think one thing at first, Adele clearly has hung out with some crappy people who pointed out her insecurities or something, because she sure doesn't sing happy songs.
But after that I thought about this in relation to my own life and I realized something, I hang out with a TON of people who point my insecurities out to me, just unintentionally. And I'm sure you can relate with me too. I'm sure theres a few people in your life you surround yourself with and sometimes the comments they make about themselves, end up making you feel like shit.
Let me give some examples of unintentional comments people around you may make, that make you feel like you've just been insulted.
(Recognize many of this is sarcastic and meant to be humorous)
- (For the females mainly) "Oh my god I have gotten so fat, I look like a whale." - says your 5'2, 105 lb friend.
Well now things have just gotten very awkward. For one, people talking about their weight insecurities is just uncomfortable to begin with, because now you have to compliment them and call them skinny. But when my friends make comments like this (at least for me) I'm now looking at my friend thinking, well shit. I am like twice your size, so thank you so much you skinny bitch, for telling me I look like a whale.
You've just been subtly insulted! But it's okay, your friend is just attention seeking, tell yourself that so you can sleep well at night.
Sure maybe everyone doesn't do this, but if you didn't think like this before, I bet you do now.
- (For anyone in school) "Wow I just did terrible on that test, a 75%? I might as well have just failed because I did terrible. I'm so stupid."
Now, If you did well on this exam or better than this person, your home free but you should probably try to comfort them.
But if you did not do well after this comment you're probably looking down at your test which has a 60% on it and thinking a few things. One, I did actually just fail. Two, if a 75% is terrible, I have reached a new level of terrible with my 60%. Three, this person just said they're stupid for getting a 75%, and I got 15% less than them (good thing you can still do math and rock at it, by the way) so clearly I should just drop out of school then.
You've just been subtly insulted! But again, it's going to be okay. Because your friend is really the stupid one for saying they might as well have just failed, because clearly failing is worse than a 75% (I mean you know that from experience.. :) )
If you want to make this person uncomfortable though, point out you got a 60% after they made this statement, and watch them grovel.
- (For anyone who wears clothes) "I hate when people wear brown and black together they look like colorblind freaks."
First off, someone should point out to people who have this pet peeve of matching perfectly or dislike for people who wear brown and black together, that they should get a life because this apparent mismatch in these two colors still doesn't make much sense to me. But moving on.
Let's imagine you're also wearing brown and black together as they say this. Well boom you've just been subtly insulted!
But let's imagine rather, that you have worn brown and black together before, well you have just been called a colorblind freak (and if you are actually colorblind like my father, well, you've just been called a freak).
Alright so I guess that insult wasn't very subtle.
But if you ever see this person wearing brown and black together after saying this, please call them out.
- (For anyone who has ever been attracted to someone) "Honestly, (insert name of someone you find attractive here) is so ugly and has a terrible personality, I don't know how anyone could be attracted to him/her."
Hahahah sorry I love this one.
Alright so to start now you know this person thinks you like ugly people with terrible personalities, so looks like you really know how to pick em, congrats!
But now you are instantly questioning your attraction to this person, and you will probably never look at them without thinking of that comment again.
Or now you are thinking that whoever said this is straight crazy, and must not know what attractive looks like because THAT guy/girl is a perfect ten.
Oh and from personal experience, If you do end up being with this 'ugly terrible personality' person at some point or another, you can be sure that the person who made this statement thinks your are straight crazy.
You've just been subtly insulted!
So I think I've just covered a spew of insecurities people have, weight, intelligence, style, and well attractions. Though my examples are very vague.
So what is my point in pointing out that people around you are subtly pointing out your insecurities all the time, you just don't notice?
Well one, to tell you that Adele is wrong and if you live life avoiding anyone who makes you feel insecure or who unintentionally make a comment that make you question yourself, then your going to live a very lonely life. Everyone makes mistakes and doesn't always think before they speak. You yourself may have read this and thought, 'shoot! I've said that!'. The world is full of subtle-unintentional-assholes, you probably have been one before, and that's okay.
But the main reason I point out all these subtle insults that people may make unintentionally is (well to make you laugh but also) to teach you not to take things so personally. People may insult you outright or unintentionally make a comment that is insulting, either way, you shouldn't let it get to you. Because as you begin to realize people unintentionally make comments that are insulting to you all the time, then you can begin to realize that this happens to everyone.
I guess what I'm really trying to say through all this humor and sarcasm is to be confident in the things you do and who you are because you are going to be insulted wether you like it or not. And find a way to laugh at yourself. When situations like this occur, look at them and laugh at how stupid some comments people make are, and don't let it get to you.
We've all got insecurities, We all deal with people pointing them out in one way or another.
It all depends on how you handle it.
And my advice as always on how to handle problems?
Laugh at it.
Over and out.
Sincerely,
Laughing away.
