My whole life I've had a love/hate relationship with the midwest. Growing up in Minnesota then moving to Wisconsin for school, I've experienced just about all the midwest has to offer (at least in my opinion). From unreasonably hot summers to freezing cold winters, living through extreme temperatures has always been quite the 'treat'. However in my 19 short years of life, I've realized how irrational those of us who live in the midwest truly are.
Here's the cycle of Irrationality:
8 seasons, instead of 4.
Let's start with Fall.
Fall for those of us in the midwest is not truly fall, it's a short lived season of temperatures ranging from 50-30 degrees, when mother nature mentally prepares us for winter. Fall typically starts in late september, ending before halloween. So realistically, fall is only a month around here. However, women will seize every last second of fall, tweeting about their love for 'fall fashion', hitting up apple orchards, and overwear every vest they own.
After fall comes Pre-Winter.
This is the time around halloween when everyone begins to complain about the cold. It's typically about 30-20 degrees outside and theres no snow, simply frigid cold and depressing cloudy weather. Girls buy scantily clad halloween costumes and try to deny that they're going to freeze their asses off in them, denying that winter is coming. In Pre-Winter our bodies also start to adjust to temperatures, 40 begins to seem semi warm to a lot of us.
Then comes Winter Wonderland.
Winter Wonderland is an interesting time. Temperatures have dropped remarkably, sometimes even to below zero. BUT the minute the first snow flake falls, suddenly the hate for the cold has subsided and day dreaming of a 'white christmas', kicks in. This short period of time leading up to christmas is what I like to call the 'glory days' of winter, where everything seems merry and we all are happy to live in a state where it snows.
Then the REAL Winter begins.
The minute the holiday season ends, our mind switches to believing we are living in our own personal hell. Temperatures are below freezing as before, but since the holiday spirit is over, suddenly everything is just the WORST. Snow is no longer beautiful to us and we all begin to have an undying hate for it, complaining every time a flake falls. What's interesting about this time is that it really is the same weather as Winter Wonderland, minus Santa and the pretty lights, so we all hate it.
Then comes the season of The Clinger.
Similar to a clingy girlfriend, winter begins to cling on to the midwest far into march. Temperatures will rise to as high as 30 degrees and drop to as low as -45 degrees throughout a single week. It may be March, but you wouldn't be able to tell without a calendar as the wether remains the same as December or January.
By April, Pre-Spring Frustration starts.
Snow has started to melt in the midwest, however, our hatred sticks around. Towns start to look dirty and beat up, as snow melts and exposes Pre-Winters grime and filth that our little 'Winter Woderland' had covered up.
Hopefully by May, it's Spring.
Temperatures by May are hopefully up to 50 degrees and everyone inevitably begins breaking out the summer gear. Clothing fit for a day at the beach is worn around puddles of melted snow, and suddenly 50 degrees is feeling 'hot'. This joy about beautiful temperatures will last about a month, before mother nature slaps us in the face again.
Mother Nature's Idea of Hell, starts in June.
A few weeks into June, the real fun begins. Temperatures will range from 60 degrees all the way up to 105 degrees. Everyone begins to regret letting go of winter and the complaints begin yet again. From being one of the coldest areas of the country, the midwest jumps to being one of the hottest, sending midwesterners bodies haywire.
By September, the cycle begins over again. Same attitudes year after year. Nothing is ever good enough for us in the Midwest. If I've learned anything, we're rarely pleased by much, other than those few short months we're walking in a Winter Wonderland.
But even though us midwesterners have so much hate for the weather at times, I personally, wouldn't have it any other way.
Sincerely,
Laughing at life's irony.
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